Expressions!

The Changes!

That day it was Dushehra, one of the big festivals in Hindu Mythology! We celebrate with a nice routine for all these years now. Today Morning I started my day a little late (got up late; was being lazy that’s it) for to the "Dushehra routine". Well this "Dushehra routine” starts up with getting up in morning, wash/clean your tools, vehicles, and books and then a lot of fun after bath.

But that day a thought that zoomed passed my mind was that, this routine had been the same for so many years; At least for me it has been the same! But that day there was something different about this "same routine", something that was unsettling me to the core!
Was it that, I have changed a lot from what I was in my childhood? Or was it that I have "GROWN UP"! (Which my mom would deny to every extent! ;-) ) I went down my memory lane to find this answer to see what is it that was different on that day?

As a child I was a shy person who would not in the worst of his dreams go and accost a person forget about in reality; so shy to speak first that my father use to call me a "Muka Badhir!!!" (Dumb and Deaf!). I still remember at our Dehu Road residence so many people from all around the colony use to come on this Dushehra day and greet us. I use to prefer sitting in the house, inside my room rather than meeting all who came. A child who was fascinated by small things like games, climbing trees, eating fruits from those trees. The Techno-Savvy games were one more thing that fascinated me a lot. Meeting people and mixing with them was a one of the least priorities for my life. I was like an inert mind roaming in my own world. World that had so many questions that it use to be fun finding answers to them. I was always thrilled by launch of Rocket. So thrilled that, I made a small model for my school project once. That still remains my favorite project till date, for a simple reason that it was the project I did without any help from my father. I like independence. The pride that I took in telling my friends "I HAVE MADE IT MYSELF" and explaining to my teacher what were my thoughts behind making this model is some thing I still feel great about. That was first time I sensed independence. It was so refreshing. I had my identity associated with some small project, which although made no sense to anyone apart from me.
The independence continued in my early and mid "Teens" when I was touted as a talkative person. A person who was amazingly short tempered. This (short temper) has become so much a characteristic of my personality that friends who know me since then just shrug it off! They just say leave him alone; he will be ok! That was the only solution then, which use to work with me with my hurt "ego" and blown "temper". Well this one thing has cost me in many ways financially as well as mentally (Torture!). This temper was some what supported by my independence. At this stage it was Independence of thoughts. I had "my opinions" I had "my understanding" about almost everything thing happening in my life and around me. I was trying to understand the way the world works. My matriculation class is something that was so nice learning ground for many important lessons in my life. Ours was a small Kendriya Vidyalaya in the pune region and so was our class of 10th standard (27 students that’s it!). A bunch of enthusiast who could turn any tide turtle! And I mean it!!! We had some of the finest artist, some the finest brains, some of the best sports persons. We had it all. The best part was that to stay in competition you had to be a bit different than others and understand what are you good with and surpass others in it. I was made to understand what I am good at. I was like a radio active isotope ready for reaction (action). I learned so many things here, compete with respect for competitors; as person you should have one quality (current affairs was my strong hold!) that would make you special in the class. Learn what you are not good at from your classmates who are good at that. At the end of the year of matriculation we all were multi-faced individuals who had something unique with everyone. A class that has set records of medal in sports competition, to the highest score in the school. This taught us to survive in the best of the competition. This was one of those things that had far reaching influence on my independence. It added a feather to my personality. I am proud today to be KV Product (that’s how we KendriyaVidyalaya graduate like us\our self to be collectively identified as!)
After my matriculation we moved to Pune to our flat at Kothrud. It was a different world all together. No old friends around, No Ordnance Factory Dehu Road (OFDR) Club where I could spend my entire evening playing TT, or Cricket. This was a lot of a shock to my personality my independence. Here I could not move as per my wish, I was dependent on some or the other thing to move around. My school was around 10 KM one way from my house. I had to catch 2 buses to reach the place in time. This was all alien to me. But it taught me how to stand in alien situations. I learned, "not all the things around you remain same every time". The Cliché "change is only constant" did rounds to me. I was introduced to being flexible, something that was almost non-existent in person my personality. I joined another KV for my +2level studies. This was a different experience all together. I had realized this is not the same school and I need to establish my own self here. Unfortunately I went down with my academics here. This was the lowest point in my academic carrier. I developed a kind of Phobia for studies. Phobia which lead me to poor marks. But well I knew where I wanted to reach. It was in this bad situation that I first appeared for my NDA exam to fulfill my "only dream" to be an "AIR FORCE PILOT". I was crazy for those planes. So crazy that I bunked my class to see the first flight of Su-30 MKI fighter planes at Pune Airport. I had every update of the kind of aircraft IAF possessed and what was the role of every fighter aircraft. I was a zealot for it. But well fate was not in favor of me becoming an air force pilot. I could not get through the NDA exam in the first try and I never tried second time (why? I do not know myself!). First major blow to my confidence. One that introduced me to an important Notion of life "FAILURE!!" This whole episode also told me how to face failure in my life and cope up with it.
By the end of all this fiasco I had completed my +2 level studies and was on the verge of taking admission for my graduate level studies. I was never keen on Engineering. Well if you ask me why? (Why No to Engineering?) I seriously do not know "why". Only reason that I had then was that all become engineers I want to stand out of the crowd. Also, that I did not have those commanding marks that I could have bagged a free seat for engineering. Ultimately I did not want to walk in a group; I always wanted to be different. I wanted to take up BCS as it was a decent course, I had heard; I was inclined towards it but it was even more difficult to get admission to it. So I took up my BSc first year. It was in the month of August and September that there was an advertisement in the paper about a new college opening in the Kothrud area for BCS. I was not very pleased about it but when I saw the infrastructure it looked decent enough to take admission. I joined BCS after a lot of counseling by my relatives and friends that I should join the college and not think about the ambience. Finally I joined BCS. A course that gave me a first full fledged exposure to "Computers" the device that has become an integral part of my daily routine. Again the first project I did in my First year of BCS was an amazing experience of team work and exposure to programming structures along with clearing concepts of Logic in Programming. This was the turning point of my life. I again enjoyed the feeling of Independence; This after a long gap; Our Project attracted a lot of attention at a CSI exhibition at Garware College. I realized I like Computers as a tool. I wanted to explore more and more.
Next two years, second and third year of my graduation were the years when I explored the Computer Science and Information technology as my prospective domains. I categorize these domains separately because I feel they are unique in their own sense in our country. To me IT is more of service based industry that caters to the "Western Needs" and Computer Science is the art that needs to be practiced and inculcated in to a person to be a successful Information Technology professional. It was during this time I was introduced to the subjects of Computer Science that had strong Mathematical base and are motivated by strong mathematical models. I some what fell in love with them, subjects like Compiler Construction, Algorithms analysis, etc.

These two years taught me to analyze the new things coming in front of me gather information about them and make my opinions about the same. I now had my own opinions, a lot matured from the early, mid teen opinions. I liked that phase of my life. I was acquiring more knowledge and more information which use to at times confuse me, disturb me and make me THINK over it and make my own opinion! My Post-Graduation was just icing on the cake. I understood what it means to go deeper in to the subject and analyze more information. My Industrial project at modular InfoTech was a nice experience to understand when a mind is left free it can get the best out of it. I learned this and liked the experience of freely exploring the horizons. This is where I learned to roam free in the domain of computer science, exploring new avenues and looking for more and more new concepts in computer science.
This is what my education made me, I now realize I changed over time, I learned over time. I believe I changed for the good. Today I feel I have yet new horizons to explore, new goals to achieve. I feel thrilled, may be that’s the difference in today and earlier!

I feel I have got the answer to my own question what was different on that day! I think it is this "change" that everyone goes through and realizes for himself/herself.

posted by Rudra aka Atul Shashank Kulkarni @ 10:26 AM